My sweet baby has started gymnastics!
I've received some much-needed encouragement lately from some friends about Anna and our journey with Gorlin Syndrome. I really feel that God is prompting me to share this with you, so here we go:
First, I've been having a hard time lately with Spring. Yes, it's gorgeous, and the weather is beautiful. However, whenever someone says, "Enjoy the nice weather!" I want to scream. How am I supposed to enjoy the nice weather when my baby can't go in the sun? Thanks for reminding me of what we can't do!
Okay, yes, I know these people are well-meaning and most don't even know about Anna's condition. And, it's just a common thing to say when you don't really know what else to say. I get that. So, I don't stay mad but for a second.
But, it's still hard.
So, the other day, our CC group was having a Park Day (Anna was in school), and a sweet mama asked how Anna was doing. We talked about it, and then she said something so amazing and true that I'm sure God put those words into her mouth Himself:
This might not be the life you expected for Anna, but it's not God's Plan B. God doesn't have a Plan B. This is His Plan A for your life and for Anna's.
Wow! Thank you, God, for speaking through my friend!
Just a couple of days later, another sweet friend called me on the phone and asked about Anna. Well, this time I broke down (didn't have to keep up appearances like at the park). I told her that I'm just ready to get over it, accept it, and stop being so emotional about it. I'm not depressed, I'm not sad, and I've never once thought, "Why me, Lord?" I'm just ready to move forward and to stop crying about it.
Once again, I could hear God's voice through her next words to me:
Maybe you're not supposed to 'get over it' so soon. If you could do it in your own strength, you would have done it by now. Jacob wrestled with God and God touched his thigh and made him limp the rest of his days. God has touched everyone somewhere to make them dependent upon Him. For you, it's your child. For others, it's money or child-bearing, or something else. But He wants you to depend on Him and not yourself to get you through this.
Oh, friends, I was bawling by this point. Wow! Once again, God spoke through a friend to get His message to me. I have been trying to be strong and buck-up all on my own. All this time, God's been with me, waiting for me to reach out to Him. I am always so humbled and awed when I can really sense God's hand at work in my little life.
So, I'm working on memorizing some key Bible verses:
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
and of course
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.
And when I turned in my Bible to the passage my friend referred to, I found that I'd already camped out in Genesis 32 before:
You can click on the picture to enlarge it. I'm almost 100% positive that everything you see written is taken directly from Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts. Good stuff.
So, that's what's going on with me right now. . . in my heart.
If you ask me how I am, I'll probably say fine, and I don't mind your asking (and I might even cry just a little). But please, don't say how nice the weather is today. Not just yet. ;)